We recently talked about how mavens, connectors, and salespeople are the key influencers who help spread word of mouth about us and our stories.

But how do we connect with them?

The Principle of Degrees of Separation

The first principle is the idea that went viral before the internet made virality possible: six degrees of separation. This concept became widely known through the game associated with Kevin Bacon.

The game asked, “How many connections does it take to link any actor in the entertainment industry to Kevin Bacon?” In other words, how many degrees of separation exist between Kevin Bacon and Marlon Brando? The challenge was to trace the connections. Kevin Bacon acted in a movie with one person, who worked with someone else, eventually leading to Marlon Brando. If it took only one step, that was a single degree of separation.

This concept applies to our own lives as well. I was a teenager when I first learned that everyone is only about six connections away. Playing the game in real life, you realize you’re not as far removed as you might think from almost anyone you’d ever want to meet.

Thomas: Someone applied a mathematical formula to the six degrees of separation, charting every person in Hollywood and assigning them a score. I have no idea who secured academic funding for this, but it was a legitimate research project.

The findings revealed that certain actors are far more connected than others. Kevin Bacon, for example, has appeared in a wide variety of films, making it easy to link him to many different actors. However, some actors have a higher connectivity score than he does, especially those who have worked in everything from low-budget B movies to Academy Award-winning films, TV shows, and commercials.

While Kevin Bacon is known as a “connector,” he’s not the only one. Other actors in Hollywood serve as major hubs in the industry. And just like in Hollywood, connectors exist in many different industries. Connectors are people who can introduce you to others and connect you with the people you’re hoping to meet.

Jim: Since we’re on the topic of actors, let me give you an example. One of the most well-known actors in the world today is Robert Downey Jr., famous for playing Iron Man in the Avengers movies, among other roles.

Now, how would someone get in touch with Robert Downey Jr.? Well, I have a friend who is very close to him. I could at least get a message to Robert Downey Jr. pretty quickly with a single email or phone call. That might seem unbelievable, but connections like this exist for many people without them even realizing it.

For instance, Thomas, if you wanted to reach Robert Downey Jr., you know me, I know Gary, and Gary knows Robert Downey Jr. That’s just three degrees of separation. If people took the time to map out their network, they’d probably be surprised at how close they are to someone they once thought unreachable.

The first thing we encourage you to do is dream big. Think beyond your immediate circle. Ask yourself who you’d love to meet. Maybe it’s a bestselling author, a podcast host, a radio personality, or a TV executive. Don’t limit yourself. Start by thinking big.

Indirect Methods of Connection

Thomas: Once you start thinking about a specific person you want to connect with, you’d be surprised how easy it can be to find a path to them.

A fun way to test this idea is by imagining you had urgent, world-changing information like undeniable proof that aliens were invading tomorrow. How would you get that message to the president? Who would you contact first? Who in your network is most likely to know someone who could pass your message along?

For me, growing up in Austin, Texas, getting a message to President Bush would have been relatively easy. Since he was governor in Austin for years, I knew people who knew him. In fact, he attended a church right across the street from where my grandmother went. That kind of proximity made it surprisingly easy to connect with him. With other presidents, my connections are more indirect. I know political people who know political people, but it’s not the same level of closeness.

Looking back, I realize how much simpler it would have been to save the world from an alien invasion during the Bush years. Back then, I knew a guy.

Jim: I had no idea you had such a close network with former President Bush! And in the same way, I’m sure there are people I know that would surprise you. It’s always interesting to realize just how small the world can be.

As you list people you’d like to connect with, ask yourself, “I wonder if that person knows someone I know?” or “Who might be connected to them?” That’s a broad way to approach it.

There’s also the method of using LinkedIn.

If you have a LinkedIn account, try typing in someone’s name. You might be shocked to see whether they’re a second-, third-, or fourth-degree connection. Often, you’ll find that you’re just one person away from them. You may not have a direct connection, but LinkedIn will show you that someone in your network does.

You’re likely much closer to the people you want to meet than you think.

Thomas: LinkedIn is a powerful tool for making connections. While some of its most advanced features require a paid subscription, even the free version can show you if someone is connected to your network and give you a starting point. If you want full access to LinkedIn’s networking capabilities, they offer a premium plan that shows you exactly how to reach someone. However, you can also take advantage of their free trial. Once, I needed to connect with someone, so I signed up for the free trial of LinkedIn Premium, used it to make the connection and canceled before the trial ended. It’s useful for situations like that.

How would we get Stephen King on this podcast using this strategy?

Jim: You’ll start by brainstorming how to connect with Stephen King.

One approach might be to ask me if I know him. I’d say, “I don’t, but I am friends with Jerry Jenkins, and Jerry Jenkins has a great friendship with Stephen King.” And just like that, you’ve found a connection.

Your connections are probably much closer than you think. Start by making a list of people you want to reach, then make another list of people who might know or have a connection to them.

Then comes the hard part of asking for an introduction. But before you do that, you must clarify why you want the introduction. Simply wanting to meet Stephen King isn’t a compelling reason. You need a specific, meaningful purpose for reaching out, something that makes the connection valuable for both parties.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. When my first novel, Rooms, was released, it had some similarities to The Shack by William Paul Young. Naturally, I thought, “I’d love to get an endorsement from William Paul Young for my book.”

So, I asked myself, “Who do I know that might know Paul?” That led me to my friend Jim Henderson. I reached out and asked, “Jim, do you know Paul? Could you introduce me?” Jim said, “Sure,” and connected us.

Through that introduction, I was able to email Paul and say, “I’d love to sit down with you. Could I take you out to lunch?” Paul was incredibly gracious, and we met, had a great conversation, and became friends. We’ve even done some speaking engagements together.

This all happened because I had a clear reason for reaching out. I knew why I wanted to connect with Paul, and I had a mutual connection who helped make it happen.

Paul Young was recently on Oprah, which means I’m suddenly just one person away from Oprah. You can see how this process can expand your network quickly. Connections like these can grow in ways you never expected.

Direct Methods of Connection

Thomas: My approach is a little different. I don’t go through intermediaries as often.

I’ve found that you can reach out to someone directly on Twitter, and they may respond. One of the great things about Twitter’s character limit is that, while you may not have someone’s email address, you do know their Twitter handle. And surprisingly, people don’t receive as many tweets as you might think. Unless they’re a super high-profile celebrity getting tens of thousands of mentions, they will likely read their tweets.

Even athletes like Shaquille O’Neal are active on Twitter. While he might have gotten a flood of tweets when he was actively playing or right after a big TV appearance, he’s probably not being tagged constantly. If you tweet him during a quieter time, there’s a real chance he’ll see it.

This is exactly how we got Joanna Penn on the Novel Marketing show. One of our listeners tweeted Joanna and me, suggesting we should interview each other on our respective podcasts. I responded to the tweet, saying, “That’s a great idea! Joanna, would you be interested in coming on the Novel Marketing podcast?”

At the time, she had no idea who we were. I’m sure she researched our number of episodes and iTunes reviews. Then she tweeted back, saying, “Yes, I’m interested in coming on the show.”

That led to us having her on the podcast and interacting with her more. We talked before and after the interview, and I realized she’s just as cool off-air as on-air.

A similar thing happened with Joshua Harris, the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. My book was critical of his, but he contacted me on Twitter, which started a conversation. That led to me having him on my radio show, and later, he invited me to be part of his documentary. None of that would have happened if we hadn’t been open to those first interactions on Twitter.

Typically, after a few direct messages, you exchange email addresses or phone numbers, and the conversation shifts to a more direct channel. I

 should clarify that I’m not a big Twitter user. I only tweet maybe two or three times a month. Most of the time, it’s directed at a brand, either praising or complaining about something. I try to post when we release a new podcast episode, but beyond that, I’m not very active.

That said, I do use Twitter as a tool to connect with people I wouldn’t normally be able to reach, and it has worked remarkably well.

Where do you find the courage to make the ask?

Jim: Most writers are introverts, so reaching out and making the request is often the hardest part. And the reality is you will strike out. But you’ll also get base hits and occasionally a home run.

It’s good to acknowledge the difficulty of asking, but I challenge writers to reach out to three people they never thought they’d be able to connect with. Try the various methods we’ve suggested. Connections don’t happen instantaneously, but we’d love to hear about your process or successes.

Thomas: Your first interaction with someone shouldn’t be asking them for a favor.

We get emails all the time from people saying, “I want to come on your podcast to talk about my book.” But we don’t know who they are, we don’t know if their book is any good, and often, it’s clear they’ve never even listened to our podcast. So why would we have them on?

Contrast that with how we first had Joanna Penn on the show. The first time she came on, it wasn’t to promote a book; it was to talk about content marketing. She wasn’t selling anything. It was only later that we invited her back to discuss her book. Even with Joanna, we didn’t start by having her on to talk about her latest release.

When you reach out to someone, don’t start by asking for something. When I first contacted Joanna Penn, I didn’t ask to be on her show. Instead, I invited her to be on our show. I was offering to introduce her to our audience.

When reaching out to someone you admire, think about how you can provide value first. Start by giving, not asking. That’s how you build real relationships.

You’re far more likely to receive something if you’ve given something first. In marketing psychology, this is known as reciprocity.

Maybe you regularly comment on someone’s blog, offer encouragement, and are one of their biggest fans. That kind of support can be powerful, but often, the best way to offer value is something unique to that person.

If you’re trying to connect with an author, one of the easiest ways is to offer to be a beta reader or join their launch team. Authors often give their launch team far more access than they do to the general public. If you’ve helped them promote their books and then later ask for a favor, they’ll be much more likely to say yes because you’ve already contributed to their success.

If you want to get heat from a fire, you first have to put heat into the cold wood. You can’t complain that a dry log isn’t giving you warmth if you haven’t put any heat into it first. Give before you ask, and the returns will come naturally.

Jim: Think contacts instead of contracts. In other words, think about building relationships. Life is ultimately about the richness of relationships. When reaching out to people, approach it with the mindset of, “What can I give back?” and “Why does this relationship make sense?” Instead of thinking, “This person can do something for me,” think of them as a potential friend. That shift in perspective will take you so much further.

Over the past eight or nine years, many of my connections weren’t just about what someone could do for me. The real value wasn’t in the favors or opportunities but in the relationships and friendships that grew from those connections.

Thomas: Treat people like people. Celebrities rarely get treated like regular people.

I knew a young woman whose husband had passed away, and she knew of a well-known celebrity who had experienced a similar loss. She decided to write the celebrity a sympathy card because she understood she was grieving like anyone else would. Some people questioned why she would do that, but as someone who worked in radio and was a public figure herself, she understood it can be lonely at the top.

Simply treating someone like a human being rather than putting them on a pedestal as a guru or idol is something they rarely experience but deeply crave. Being friendly without asking for something is incredibly refreshing.

Celebrities are normal people. They have feelings, can be hurt, appreciate compliments, and value genuine kindness, just like anyone else.

Jim: I have a friend, Brennan McPherson, whose latest book is Flood. One day, he emailed me and casually mentioned that his dad makes guitars. I said, “Wait, your dad is McPherson Guitars?”—the company known for its high-end, beautifully crafted instruments. Brennan replied, “Yeah, that’s my dad.”

A little while later, he sent me some CDs from musicians who play McPherson guitars. One was by Phil Keaggy, a guitarist I’ve admired for years. He’s arguably one of the best in the world. I wrote back to Brennan to thank him and mentioned how much I’ve always loved Phil Keaggy’s music.

Later, Brennan got back to me and said he had just been on the phone with Phil. He told him how much I appreciated his music.

These people we hold in high esteem are just regular people, and they love connecting with people they’ve touched.

Tools to Help You Connect

Thomas: We know reaching out to people is intimidating, so Jim has created a free tool to help you.

Jim: I’ve created a spreadsheet that will help you track who you’ve contacted and keep notes about the contact. It will streamline the process for you.

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